about trent....

So, as a new local trainer, my first assignment, a few weeks ago, was to complete the training of a troublesome trainee, lets call him trent.


Trent was not the brightest bulb. in fact most bulbs are brighter than his bulb when the power is switched off. To give you an idea of how steep this learning curve was for him, here's an example:

By the time i became Trent's trainer, Trent had not come anywhere near memorizing the scripted pitch for the product, in this case, our knives. this should be done before the first day of training, Trent should have been ready to be pitching by himself, and there he was, stumbling. there is an important line about our knives, they are made from "TRIPLE TEMPERED, SURGICAL STAINLESS STEEL". Now when trent was pitching, after a week of practice, he would stumble and say its made from "TRIPLE tempered... surgically.... implanted... steel". and this was the strongest part of his clusterfuck pitch.

now dispite my cranky blogging alter ego, i'm a very well mannered fellow, and as such, i was patient with brent, tried to give him small steps to follow, rather than saying he needed to practice a dozen hours, just little steps he had to correct. these tiny, baby steps, requiring the smallest amount of effort, were apparently beyond him, more than once he outright told me he went drinking instead of spending time practicing. then he would go on to say he wanted to make sure he was selling so he could make money.

guess what trent? your trainer isn't a motherfucking magician. you have to work for your sales. you fucking dipfuck.

here's some more info about bre.... TRENT. Trent is in his forties, he used to be a trucker, he works at the local hockey rink doing something, he aspires to be a comedian, and he once tried to work for this company 9 years ago, and a disaster first pitch, and never pitched again. the average hiree in this company as a sales agent is between 20 and 30, and either has a marketing or performance background.

Trent will never be a comedian, he doesn't have the discipline to work out a script, and he isn't observant enough to discover what parts of that script play well, and how to adjust it. and he can't take risks. To be a successful comedian, as to be a successful pitchman, you have to be prepared to walk away hated. you have to lose your fear of rejection.

Trent will never become the comedian Ubermensch. he will never be a pitchman either.

eventually we terminated trent, he simply wasn't following our directions, we were handing him tools and he was making active choices not to use them, and as a result, he wasn't selling shit.

he still calls us, begging for a job. asking if we have a shorter pitch he can maybe do better at memorizing. I don't have the heart to tell him to go to hell, so i tell him i would consider hiring him back if he can memorize a script front and back without any effort from me, something he will never be able to achieve.

aspiring pitchmen and pitchladies, don't be like trent. just don't do it.