I'm in Miami now. The Cool Sea Breeze (tm) is mixing with the Gallons of Liquor (tm) and erasing all my worries.
I'm on the Freakin Ocean.
Trainers Retreat. I finally feel like i'm part of this company.
I met people who work for us all across north america, I got a free flight and 3 night stay at a decent miami resort.
I still ponder the meaninglessness of the word 'Miami". I mean when you call a place "long beach" you can assume it has a long beach. When you call it Black rock, you can assume it has some rocks that are black. what the hell do you think of when you think Miami
Uno Cerveca Por Pavor, and a taco.
Meanwhile, i have agents in one city not breathing. and in another they are struggling. I have agents who can't give me their availability, I have a world potentially falling on my head.
But for the first time in months, i have a few days off, and i'm in freakin miami.
I'mma go swim in the ocean... or the resort pool. they're almost close enough to do both at the same time.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Things actually said in some pitches
I can't beleive i'm writing this post *shudder*
here's some of the stupid stuff said and overheard in pitches recently
Me: So its one knife for bread, One Knife for Meat--
Customer: One Knife to beat your wife
*Gasp*
Me: Sir... when you beat someone with a knife... thats stabbing.
Customer: did you cut yourself with that knife?
Salesperson: No, that band-aid is just a fashion statement.
Salesperson: This Knife is Made from Triple-tempered, surgical Stainless Steel, Its like having a razorblade with a handle on it.
Customer: Could you use that knife to slit your wrists.
Salesperson: What?
Customer. I heard once about this girl who cut her wrists all the way down and she bled to death.
Salesperson: Well, you wouldn't WANT to do that, but you could.
Me: Raise your hand if you've heard of the JINZU Knife (name altered to protect the innocent) Raise your hand Extra high if you OWN a JINZU Knife. oh, how do you like yours
Customer: Actually I don't
Me: Well, that's.... too... bad, for you. *audience Bursts out laughing*
ME: when this knife retails, it will be 29.99, i can't cut that price today
Customer: so there's something this knife can't cut.
Me: Pardon?
Customer: The Price
Me: You Sir, are the living end!
I feel dirty.
here's some of the stupid stuff said and overheard in pitches recently
Me: So its one knife for bread, One Knife for Meat--
Customer: One Knife to beat your wife
*Gasp*
Me: Sir... when you beat someone with a knife... thats stabbing.
Customer: did you cut yourself with that knife?
Salesperson: No, that band-aid is just a fashion statement.
Salesperson: This Knife is Made from Triple-tempered, surgical Stainless Steel, Its like having a razorblade with a handle on it.
Customer: Could you use that knife to slit your wrists.
Salesperson: What?
Customer. I heard once about this girl who cut her wrists all the way down and she bled to death.
Salesperson: Well, you wouldn't WANT to do that, but you could.
Me: Raise your hand if you've heard of the JINZU Knife (name altered to protect the innocent) Raise your hand Extra high if you OWN a JINZU Knife. oh, how do you like yours
Customer: Actually I don't
Me: Well, that's.... too... bad, for you. *audience Bursts out laughing*
ME: when this knife retails, it will be 29.99, i can't cut that price today
Customer: so there's something this knife can't cut.
Me: Pardon?
Customer: The Price
Me: You Sir, are the living end!
I feel dirty.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
The Training of newbie
"IF you let me know, right.... Am I doing this right?"
"you're doing fine, shut up and get through it"
"If you let me know, right NOW, I will give you that. oh i screwed up"
"no you didn't, or at least you didn't until you stopped, relax and say it"
this is the perpetual loop of training a new agent. people are fucked up about 'doing it right' when the only way to do it right is to stop thinking about it and get on with actually doing it.
the other half of this cycle is me, stomping on their feelings and not letting them get a word in edgewise because they're doing it wrong.
stupid fucking earthlings.
"you're doing fine, shut up and get through it"
"If you let me know, right NOW, I will give you that. oh i screwed up"
"no you didn't, or at least you didn't until you stopped, relax and say it"
this is the perpetual loop of training a new agent. people are fucked up about 'doing it right' when the only way to do it right is to stop thinking about it and get on with actually doing it.
the other half of this cycle is me, stomping on their feelings and not letting them get a word in edgewise because they're doing it wrong.
stupid fucking earthlings.
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