speaking of stupid behavior

Now the most interesting thing about this job is the ways people behave. you see, when you put people in a group, they do the strangest things imaginable.

"I KNOW! I'll leave my crying child to be babysat by a complete stranger who sells KNIVES" in what universe is this a sane thought?

this actually happens. a LOT. Let the pitchman entertain the kids that I never planned to have and want no responsibility for. Its a great way to ruin my sales. fuck you absentee mommy.

Once I had a former pitchman come in and destroy my show for no reason. See, when you are a pitchman, you learn all the little social tricks to put rude people in their place, but you also learn to ignore them, like this gentleman, who blew out my measly audience and then wouldn't stop chatting with me. He claimed that pitching bought his way through law school. Now he's in his 40's or 50's and clearly too lonely to do anything but harass someone who he has something in common with.


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This is the best audience in the world. Everyone is going to buy. there's 20 people here, everyone is participating, when i ask them to cheer for a free gift, they all scream without hesitation, when i ask them if they're wondering how much it costs, all their heads bob up and down. and then SHE speaks up.

its a sweet little old lady. Don't be fooled, after 90 years, they become hazards for people like me, and heres why:

"Where are you from young man?" she speaks in a thick slavic accent.

i tell her gently that i can have a chat with her in a just a second. I'm two seconds from landing a killer sale. she responds

"I'm from prague, do you know where that is?"

I ignore her this time, i really would be happy to talk with her, but not while i'm trying to build tension up for the audience so they'll pull the trigger and buy.I pull out the biggest, fanciest knife that we save for last. she keeps talking, people are starting to leave. I look like an asshole now. fuck. fuck. fuck.

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LET ME KNOW RIGHT NOW!!!


I sell 9 units. a good show, the old lady even bought one, but if she hadn't shown up, i could have sold twice that and i know it. 9 is an awesome show mind you, its good. but fuck do i ever hate knowing i could have sold way more.



Want to know my fatal flaw? I KNOW that there is always some better way i could have done my show, i'm not satisfied until everyon buys five sets, and goes and gets store credit to do it.

because i know its possible. i've seen shows happen that way. once in a blue moon.

but you gotta be fast, you gotta be on your toes. in every show, something will go wrong, its how you deal with it that makes or breaks your sales.