Sunday, February 22, 2009
The Union Square Peeler Man
Joe Ades sold peelers for 5 dollars in union square for 15 years. He died last week. legend has it he made 6 figures, which means would have had to sell about 60 an hour.
so thats 3 per pitch at 20 pitches an hour, 3 minute pitch in the one of the busiest squares in the world.
its possible he really did make 6 figures.
by the way, i tracked down those peelers. if you wanna buy em cheap and use them for pitching yourself, you can find them here:
http://www.zena.ch/e_metall.html
http://www.swissmade.com/en/web/index.php?id=254&s=zena_-_rex_economy_peeler_(pack_of_2)
speaking of stupid behavior
Now the most interesting thing about this job is the ways people behave. you see, when you put people in a group, they do the strangest things imaginable.
"I KNOW! I'll leave my crying child to be babysat by a complete stranger who sells KNIVES" in what universe is this a sane thought?
this actually happens. a LOT. Let the pitchman entertain the kids that I never planned to have and want no responsibility for. Its a great way to ruin my sales. fuck you absentee mommy.
Once I had a former pitchman come in and destroy my show for no reason. See, when you are a pitchman, you learn all the little social tricks to put rude people in their place, but you also learn to ignore them, like this gentleman, who blew out my measly audience and then wouldn't stop chatting with me. He claimed that pitching bought his way through law school. Now he's in his 40's or 50's and clearly too lonely to do anything but harass someone who he has something in common with.
**********
This is the best audience in the world. Everyone is going to buy. there's 20 people here, everyone is participating, when i ask them to cheer for a free gift, they all scream without hesitation, when i ask them if they're wondering how much it costs, all their heads bob up and down. and then SHE speaks up.
its a sweet little old lady. Don't be fooled, after 90 years, they become hazards for people like me, and heres why:
"Where are you from young man?" she speaks in a thick slavic accent.
i tell her gently that i can have a chat with her in a just a second. I'm two seconds from landing a killer sale. she responds
"I'm from prague, do you know where that is?"
I ignore her this time, i really would be happy to talk with her, but not while i'm trying to build tension up for the audience so they'll pull the trigger and buy.I pull out the biggest, fanciest knife that we save for last. she keeps talking, people are starting to leave. I look like an asshole now. fuck. fuck. fuck.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LET ME KNOW RIGHT NOW!!!
I sell 9 units. a good show, the old lady even bought one, but if she hadn't shown up, i could have sold twice that and i know it. 9 is an awesome show mind you, its good. but fuck do i ever hate knowing i could have sold way more.
Want to know my fatal flaw? I KNOW that there is always some better way i could have done my show, i'm not satisfied until everyon buys five sets, and goes and gets store credit to do it.
because i know its possible. i've seen shows happen that way. once in a blue moon.
but you gotta be fast, you gotta be on your toes. in every show, something will go wrong, its how you deal with it that makes or breaks your sales.
"I KNOW! I'll leave my crying child to be babysat by a complete stranger who sells KNIVES" in what universe is this a sane thought?
this actually happens. a LOT. Let the pitchman entertain the kids that I never planned to have and want no responsibility for. Its a great way to ruin my sales. fuck you absentee mommy.
Once I had a former pitchman come in and destroy my show for no reason. See, when you are a pitchman, you learn all the little social tricks to put rude people in their place, but you also learn to ignore them, like this gentleman, who blew out my measly audience and then wouldn't stop chatting with me. He claimed that pitching bought his way through law school. Now he's in his 40's or 50's and clearly too lonely to do anything but harass someone who he has something in common with.
**********
This is the best audience in the world. Everyone is going to buy. there's 20 people here, everyone is participating, when i ask them to cheer for a free gift, they all scream without hesitation, when i ask them if they're wondering how much it costs, all their heads bob up and down. and then SHE speaks up.
its a sweet little old lady. Don't be fooled, after 90 years, they become hazards for people like me, and heres why:
"Where are you from young man?" she speaks in a thick slavic accent.
i tell her gently that i can have a chat with her in a just a second. I'm two seconds from landing a killer sale. she responds
"I'm from prague, do you know where that is?"
I ignore her this time, i really would be happy to talk with her, but not while i'm trying to build tension up for the audience so they'll pull the trigger and buy.I pull out the biggest, fanciest knife that we save for last. she keeps talking, people are starting to leave. I look like an asshole now. fuck. fuck. fuck.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO LET ME KNOW RIGHT NOW!!!
I sell 9 units. a good show, the old lady even bought one, but if she hadn't shown up, i could have sold twice that and i know it. 9 is an awesome show mind you, its good. but fuck do i ever hate knowing i could have sold way more.
Want to know my fatal flaw? I KNOW that there is always some better way i could have done my show, i'm not satisfied until everyon buys five sets, and goes and gets store credit to do it.
because i know its possible. i've seen shows happen that way. once in a blue moon.
but you gotta be fast, you gotta be on your toes. in every show, something will go wrong, its how you deal with it that makes or breaks your sales.
An Introduction....
I'm a pitchman,
Those people in chefs coats you see in the mall showing you knives that never go dull?
The guy with the cloth that absorbs water like a vaccum?
yeah. that's me. I won't say what company I work for, or what products we sell, but simply that its a strange job. I'm also a trainer, and soon to be manager for this particular company, I work my ass off, so realize any complaining comes with an equal amount of love for my job.
My background is in theatre, and i still produce plays. as far as day jobs go, i'm one of the few actors i know that make their money performing. It's not glamorous, and generally you don't get flowers at the end of your show. but you can walk away from a show thinking "hey, i just made a hundred and fifty dollars in 45 minutes for doing something fun". so in my eyes, I'm still ahead, especially since i'm only a few months out of school and actually have some sort of plan for acheiving a career in theatre. This is a stepping stone.
Here i will chronicle the daily adventures of pitching, the terrible mistakes i make, the rediculous stories of my co-workers, my complaints about the competition, and the most entertaining, the strange things folks do as audience members.
It should be noted that the pitches where knives fly into the audience dangerously are always the ones where people buy the most. being reminded of our mortality makes us stronger consumers.... scary.
Those people in chefs coats you see in the mall showing you knives that never go dull?
The guy with the cloth that absorbs water like a vaccum?
yeah. that's me. I won't say what company I work for, or what products we sell, but simply that its a strange job. I'm also a trainer, and soon to be manager for this particular company, I work my ass off, so realize any complaining comes with an equal amount of love for my job.
My background is in theatre, and i still produce plays. as far as day jobs go, i'm one of the few actors i know that make their money performing. It's not glamorous, and generally you don't get flowers at the end of your show. but you can walk away from a show thinking "hey, i just made a hundred and fifty dollars in 45 minutes for doing something fun". so in my eyes, I'm still ahead, especially since i'm only a few months out of school and actually have some sort of plan for acheiving a career in theatre. This is a stepping stone.
Here i will chronicle the daily adventures of pitching, the terrible mistakes i make, the rediculous stories of my co-workers, my complaints about the competition, and the most entertaining, the strange things folks do as audience members.
It should be noted that the pitches where knives fly into the audience dangerously are always the ones where people buy the most. being reminded of our mortality makes us stronger consumers.... scary.
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